All of my oldest's, let's refer to him just as D, birthday parties are over, and he is completely and utterly 18. The family party, the afterschool surprise party, and now an overnight with his closest friends. I think he feels thoroughly celebrated.

It's interesting that just last week someone mentioned to me what an anticlimactic birthday turning 18 is. Now this person is a mom of young kids, so I tried to offer the bigness of this birthday from my perspective. D has a host of medical issues so I have spent a lot of time signing a variety of forms for him over the years, now he will do all the signing. He can officially sign himself in and out at school, buy a lottery ticket, and make as adult choices as he wants. He is legally an adult, and although he can choose to let his life remain mostly as it is, he doesn't have to. The world of choice opens in a much bigger way at 18.

Okay, some people remind me that D can now buy cigarettes, but that seems highly unlikely. He had open heart surgery at age 17 months, his pedicatric cardiologist suggested he not even have a role model who smokes, and both my parents died rather young due to smoking-related diseases. We are definitely not fans of cigarettes in our house, so this part of turning 18 feels rather nonexistent for D. Yeah!

I started this blog as a way to process my oldest son leaving for college, but I am forever intrigued by the layers of the mom dynamic. My mom died when I was 25, and since Mother's Day was yesterday, she is understandably on my mind. All of this that I'm going through would have been a milestone for her too in some ways. I would've loved to hear her share how she felt when I lived in Brazil as an exchange student for a year, and how it felt the same or different when I headed off to SoCal for college. I know she missed me; I know she was excited for me...what did she do to help herself? She was certainly a rock for me.

It seems appropriate to make my first post on Mother's Day 2011, and I hope this day has been lovely for moms everywhere.

The purpose of this blog is to have a way to articulate and explore my adventures and feelings as a mom. My oldest is a about to graduate from high school and head to college, and I find that there isn't much out there to connect to for support and insight as this milestone as a mom approaches. I'm thrilled for my son but a bit terrified too. He has traits of Aspergers so this transition, already huge for every kid, is a bit more complicated for him. Or for me?! I look forward to having a means to clarify this for myself and perhaps connect with others.